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May 20, 2024 by Alan Zupka

How to Tell Someone Your Boundaries

So, you’ve decided that it’s time to set some boundaries in your life. Good for you! Boundaries are essential to maintaining relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers, as they can help build trust and respect. Once you’ve decided what your boundaries are, the next step will be communicating them to those around you. Here are some tips for how to do so:

  • Be clear. Explain exactly what you expect so that there’s no room for misinterpretation. For example, if you don’t want to work evenings, say, “I’m available between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.” rather than “I can’t work late,” since “late” can mean different things to different people.
  • Establish consequences. Explain what will happen if your boundary is crossed. For instance, if your child regularly yells, say, “If you raise your voice while we’re having a conversation, I will leave the room until you calm down.” And most importantly, follow through on those consequences.
  • Use the sandwich method. If you’re concerned about how the other person will react, try sandwiching your boundary between two positive statements. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by how frequently your sister calls, you could say, “I love our chats, but I’ve been so busy with this new job that I’m not able to talk each night. Can we schedule a time each week to catch up?”

Do You Struggle to Set Boundaries?

Setting and communicating boundaries can be difficult, but it’s a lot easier with the help of an experienced therapist. Fortunately, you can get the assistance you need from the caring team at our practice. We understand the intricacies of relationships between family members, friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances, and we’ll provide you with tailored advice on how to effectively set any necessary boundaries. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session at a date and time that’s convenient for you.

Filed Under: communication, relationships

October 16, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Keeping the Spark Alive: Simple Romantic Things Long-Time Couples Can Do

When you build a fire, whether to warm your home or to add a bit of ambiance on a cold winter’s night, you know you’ve got to tend to the fire to keep it going. Relationships are no different. They, too, begin with that initial spark, but you both have to tend to the relationship to keep the heat!

In our modern age, too many couples are ready to throw in the towel as soon as things begin to cool off slightly. Love takes work; that’s the reality. I’ve known and worked with many couples who have been together for decades, and I’ve learned some of the key things that have helped them stay together for so long.

Give Each Other Your Full Attention

One of the greatest gifts of love you can give someone is your attention. Especially in today’s day and age, when it seems everyone has their head down, staring at their phone.

When you first fell in love, the other person was the center of your world. Has that changed over time? Do you take each other for granted?

Whether sharing a silly story or seeking advice, always give each other your full attention. Tune into them fully and engage. Ask questions and be with them there in the moment.

Learn Together

When the relationships begin to feel stale and old, it’s time to learn something new together. This could be taking a Salsa class or learning how to white water raft. The wonderful thing is while you are learning a new skill together, you will most likely learn new things about each other. We get to a point in our relationship when we think we know everything about the other person. But people are deep, mysterious wells that take years and years to explore!

Plan Surprises

Take turns planning something fun and spontaneous for you to do each month. It could be borrowing your friend’s rooftop condo for a rooftop summer picnic with stunning views of downtown. Or it could be taking a weekend cooking class or going on an overnight trip up into the mountains. Being spontaneous not only helps you break out of your relationship rut, it “forces” you to really think of the other person and what might make them happy.

Love is not something you fall in and out of; it is a journey that both of you are on together. To stay the course, be sure to give each other your full attention, learn together, and be spontaneous!

SOURCES:

How to keep a relationship alive

https://www.insider.com/how-to-keep-the-spark-in-your-relationship-2017-7

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202010/keeping-the-spark-alive-in-your-relationship

Filed Under: marriage, relationships

October 17, 2021 by Alan Zupka

Things to Discuss Before Marriage

“I do.” Two simple enough words. And when you say them on your wedding day, you really mean them. But “I do” can quickly turn into, “I thought I could” when you don’t know exactly who or what you are committing to.

Let’s face it, relationships are tricky and it’s important that you and your partner are 100% open and honest with one another before tying the knot. And that’s exactly why premarital counseling is so beneficial.

Premarital counseling helps couples identify and address potential areas of conflict before those issues have a chance to turn into serious problems. Couples also learn effective communication skills and conflict resolution strategies.

Here are some specific benefits of premarital counseling:

Learn More About Each Other

We always think we know our partner until they do or say something that surprises (and irks) us. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper, more intimate level. 

Confront Challenges Head-On

Couples don’t always discuss potential areas of friction at the beginning. And then real life comes at them and arguments happen. 

For instance, what do you do if you find out each one of you has a different opinion about how finances should be handled? If one set of parents do not accept the couple or the marriage.

Premarital counseling offers couples a space to identify potential challenges head-on.

Make Plans for the Future

The brightest futures are the ones with the best-laid plans. Couples counseling can help you create a clear vision of what you want your future to be. A counselor can help you both discuss your individual goals and dreams and how you can combine these to create a future where both of you reach your potential as individuals, as a couple, and even as a family unit.

If you and your partner would be interested in exploring premarital counseling, please reach out to me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

SOURCES

  • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/modes/premarital-counseling
  • https://allintherapyclinic.com/what-is-premarital-counseling/
  • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-connected-life/201706/do-you-really-need-premarital-counseling

Filed Under: marriage, relationships

Alan Zupka

Alan Zupka | Counselor | LGBTQ Community | Orlando, FL

(407) 986-2888
alan@azupkacounseling.com

Orlando, FL 32803

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