Polyamory is a term used to describe a lifestyle where someone maintains multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously with full knowledge and consent of the people involved. Within this dynamic, there is another term often used and that is “unicorn.”

A unicorn is used to describe a bisexual person, typically a female, who is willing to join the couple (usually hetero) and have a relationship with both people. So in this case the unicorn is the third wheel, and happily so! What is important to remember is that these relationships are 100% consensual, fun and comfortable.

Sometimes the unicorn is strictly there for a sexual relationship with both partners, and there is an understanding that she will not develop any emotional attachments. But other times the group is allowed to go with the flow to see what dynamics might form naturally.

If you think you’ve got the mind, body and heart to live life as this mythical creature, or if you’re a couple looking to find your very own unicorn to play with, then keep reading to learn some of the golden rules of these polyamorous relationships.

Set Your Boundaries

If you are a couple in search of a unicorn, you’ll definitely need to set some rules before you go hunting. What are your desires and what are your lines/boundaries? Best to know this going in.

Honesty is Key

It’s hard enough for two people to communicate clearly, bring a third person into the mix and see how difficult it can be! No one is a mind reader. For everyone to have a good, safe and healthy time, clear and honest communication is necessary. Some couples are only looking for a fun, sexual relationship, while others are looking for something deeper. Similarly, some unicorns are only interested in causal sex, while others are hoping to find that polyamorous relationship that fits like a glove.

Know Where to Look

The days of couples getting dolled up and hitting the bar in hopes of scoring are long gone (thank God!). That was always a bit of a crapshoot. Today, there are many dating websites that cater to this particular lifestyle, so sign up, create your profile, and live out your fantasy!
Polyamorous relationships can be incredibly fun and rewarding as long as everyone is open and honest. If you follow these guidelines, you’ll have a relationship that’s the stuff myths are made of!

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) has become quite popular over the last decade, as more and more people have realized that a monogamous relationship simply doesn’t suit them. They much prefer a relationship where the people are allowed to have more than one romantic and sexual partner at a time, and everyone involved is aware and supportive.

While ENM can be incredibly beneficial for some people, there are general guidelines to follow to ensure loving and successful relationships.

Make Your Agreements Clear

There are no set rules to ENM. Each couple/group can decide for themselves how to proceed. Having said that, it is important that everyone communicates clearly about what the relationship dynamic will look like. This means both (or all) people agree to something defined and specific, making the agreement ethical and loving.

Honesty is Key

Without question, the entire ENM relationship must rest on a foundation of honesty and transparency. All individuals must be clear about their boundaries, expectations and limits. It’s also a good idea for all parties to check in with one another from time to time to see if feelings have shifted or anything needs adjustment.

Genuine Care and Compassion is Required

Being non-monogamous does not mean that you care less about other people’s needs and feelings. Quite the opposite, in fact. ENM requires that everyone involved have genuine care and compassion for their partners.

You’ll Most Likely Experience Challenges

Even loving people with the best of intentions will find that ENM relationships have their ups and downs. Human beings trying to connect with one another will always be faced with challenges. Be prepared to experience a wide swath of emotions and ride the waves.

Ethical non-monogamous relationships can be fun, healthy and incredibly liberating. And if you follow these guidelines you’ll stand the best chance of having a successful and loving relationship with whomever you choose.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.

There are some people who seem completely cut out for monogamous relationships. And then there are those who know from the get-go it’s just not right for them. Some researchers even question whether our early ancestors were monogamous, or did they naturally take part in polyamorous relationships.

What is Polyamory?

Put simply, polyamorous relationships are intimate relationships involving more than two people. This can mean there are three or more equal partners in a romantic relationship and they may all be dating or even sharing the same home. Polyamorous relationships can also refer to two individuals who are openly involved with one or more people on the side.
As you can imagine, these relationships require honestly and a lot of navigation to ensure everyone is happy, healthy and respected.

Is Polyamory Right for You?

If you’ve always considered yourself open and adventurous, and you’ve never been keen on the idea of monogamy, then a polyamorous relationships may be perfect for you. But before you take that plunge, there are some things to consider to understand if it is in fact right for you:

Are you the jealous type?

Do you think you can really handle seeing your partner date and be intimate with other people? This is the most important, and often the most difficult, question to answer. Take a look at how you handled jealousy-inducing situations in the past to get an idea if you would realistically be able to handle a polyamorous relationship.

Are You BOTH Interested?

If you are currently in a relationship, are you and your partner both interested in exploring this lifestyle? If only one of you is really keen on the idea and the other is hesitant, it can potentially cause issues down the road.

What is Motivating You to Pursue This Lifestyle at This Time?

If you and your partner both feel a monogamous relationship isn’t meeting your needs for intimacy, and if you both want to see the other one happy, then this could be an indicator a polyamorous relationship may be the right avenue to pursue. Similarly, if you as an individual are looking for more love and intimacy in your life, this could indicate you are ready to take this next step.

For many, polyamorous relationships can be a missing piece of their life and happiness puzzle. Having the opportunity to love and connect with more than one person may be ideal for you and your partner. Just be sure to be open, honest, loving and respectful of everyone’s needs and feelings at all times, and your life can be significantly enhanced by these relationships.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.

For many young people, coming to terms with their sexual orientation can be a confusing experience. Nothing is really black and white when it comes to sexuality. While some young people know they are straight, and others know they are gay or lesbian, there is another group that suspects they may be attracted to both genders.

If you aren’t quite sure about your preference or whether or not you may be bisexual, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Am I attracted to men and women?

The fact you are reading this blog posts suggests you have an attraction to both men and women. Something else to consider is, is the attraction for the opposite gender or the same gender a one-off event, or you find yourself attracted to many people of that same gender? For instance, you may be attracted to your best friend who is the same gender as you because they are awesome and you have so much fun together, but they are the only person of your gender you find yourself having feelings for.

2. When you first heard about bisexuality, did you feel a sense of relief?

When you first read about the concept of bisexuality, did something “click” for you? Did you feel that things in your life finally made sense and like a weight was taken off your shoulders?

3. How do you see your future?

We all spend time thinking about our “happily ever after.” What does that look like for you? Do you think you could be just as happy and content spending your life with a husband, a wife or a non-binary partner?

4. Are you offended by bisexual stereotypes?

You may sometimes hear people speak about bisexuality in stereotypical terms. Maybe someone in your circle of friends has said that all bisexuals are into threesomes, polyamory or are promiscuous. When you heard this, did it offend you?

5. Are you attracted to androgynous people?

Androgyny refers to people that have both male and female characteristics. If you find yourself attracted to androgynous people, it may be a sign that you are naturally attracted to both genders.

Love Yourself for Who You Are

Understand that this is only a guide and a way for you to explore your feelings and sexuality. At the end of the day, what’s is important is not WHAT you are, but that you love yourself for WHO you are.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.