Understanding Addiction Through the Lens of Compassion and Change

Addiction can take many forms. Some individuals struggle with substances such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs. Others find themselves caught in cycles of gambling, compulsive shopping, or other behaviors that begin to feel unmanageable. No matter the form it takes, addiction often tells a story, a story of pain, unmet needs, and the search for relief.

In my work, I frequently explore the underlying narratives clients carry about their relationship with addiction. I also draw from evidence-based approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and positive psychology, to help people reclaim a sense of agency and rewrite these stories in more empowering ways.

One common framework I find helpful in understanding addiction is the “Four Cs”: Compulsion, Craving, Control, and Consequences.

1. Compulsion

Over time, the relationship with a substance or behavior can begin to feel less like a choice and more like a requirement. Compulsion emerges when a person feels an overwhelming drive to engage in the behavior, even when part of them does not want to. In therapy, I help clients gently unpack the story behind this compulsion and identify what it might be trying to soothe or silence.

2. Craving

As addiction deepens, cravings often become more intense. These cravings may feel physical, similar to hunger or thirst, leading to agitation, sleep disruption, or loss of appetite. Mindfulness-based practices can help increase awareness of these sensations without judgment and create space between the urge and the action.

3. Control

Many individuals try to moderate their use or stop the behavior altogether. While some may succeed for a time, addiction often erodes the ability to control it in the long term. In our work together, I support clients in identifying the thoughts and beliefs that influence their choices and build skills to regain a sense of direction and stability.

4. Consequences

One of the most painful elements of addiction is its ability to persist even when it causes harm. People may continue to use or act despite knowing the risks to their health, relationships, employment, or freedom. Rather than focus on shame, I work collaboratively with clients to build a new story rooted in accountability, hope, and the possibility of change.

Are You Struggling With Addiction?

If any part of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. Addiction does not define you; it is one part of your story, not the whole. With the proper support, it is possible to reshape that story in a way that honors your values and creates room for healing.

As a therapist, I provide a compassionate and nonjudgmental space to explore your unique experiences and goals. Together, we can begin the work of rewriting your narrative, one step at a time. If you are ready to begin that journey, please contact me for a consultation. I am here, and I am prepared to walk alongside you.

All addictions negatively impact a relationship, and pornography addiction is certainly no exception. The adult entertainment industry generates billions of dollars annually, and with an estimated 40 million Americans visiting porn sites regularly, pornography addiction is a problem for many families.

With an estimated 28% of women viewing online pornography versus 72% of men, pornography addiction isn’t a problem specific to men; women can also become addicted. If you’re concerned that your partner has developed an addiction to pornography, here are some signs to look out for.

They spend a lot of time on the internet

The porn addict will spend hours, and sometimes even days, online viewing pornography. If your spouse spends an increasing amount of time alone, either with a phone, laptop or tablet, they may be developing an obsession with pornography.

They’re critical of you

Porn stars are typically young and attractive, often times surgically enhanced. The more your partner watches pornography, the more negatively you may be compared to the models They are watching. Porn addicts tend to objectify their partner, and as your spouse spends increasing amounts of time watching porn, they may start to become critical of your body.

Unusual spending activity

Checking your bank or credit card statements, you may find unexpected or unexplained charges. Adult entertainment websites will often mask the charges to benefit the confidentiality of their customers, so you may have to do a Google search or make some phone calls to uncover the source of the charges.

Your sex life has changed

When someone is addicted to pornography, they may no longer have the drive or desire to maintain a sex life with their partner. Conversely, some addicts become more demanding. They may want to engage in acts you’re not comfortable with. As a person becomes more and more addicted to pornography, they will have to watch increasingly unusual material. This may result in your partner becoming more rough or aggressive.

So what can you do if you suspect your partner is addicted to porn?

First, know that their addiction is not your fault. People become addicted as a way of coping with unwanted feelings and emotions, or as a way to avoid real life stress or difficulties.

Second, seek support from trusted loved ones and find a therapist who can help you both on the road to recovery.

Is your relationship suffering because of pornography addiction? A trained, licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.