Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

October 23, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Do Same Sex Couples Have Unique Relationship Issues?

Since the 1970s, LGBTQ+ people in this country have been fighting; fighting for equal rights and dismantling the stereotype that their relationships have no intrinsic value.

The truth is that LGBTQ+ relationships are just as loving and committed as non-LGBTQ+ ones. And they can also have similar challenges to heterosexual relationships regarding finances, parenting, household chores, etc.

There are, however, certain conflicts and interests that are unique to same-sex couples.

Friendships

In heterosexual relationships, there is a clear boundary marked by sex. For instance, a woman may spend a “night out with the girls” without creating feelings of insecurity in her male partner. Similarly, a man could spend the day watching the football game with his best guy friend, and there would be no issue.

If, however, she wanted to hang out with an ex-boyfriend or he was helping a female coworker train for a marathon, there may be some tension.

This tension is commonplace for same-sex couples as most friends and exes are of the same sex.

Same-sex partners cannot expect to spend 100% of their time together. And in fact, it is healthy to spend time apart. But I always suggest to my clients that they set some definitive rules at the beginning of the relationship and have open and honest conversations so feelings don’t get hurt and both parties are heard.

Out VS Not Out

Same-sex couples have another unique issue: each partner may have a different level of comfort regarding being open about their sexuality. For instance, one partner may be completely “out of the closet” and want to show physical affection in public, while the other may not be as out or comfortable.

I help my clients communicate with one another so each party can express what they need in these situations. Every person is entitled to develop their feelings of ease in this regard in their way and own time.

Non-Inclusive Language

Many same-sex couples wish to start a family just as heterosexual couples do. But it can be stressful and frustrating when running into situations where non-inclusive language is the norm. For instance, their teacher repeatedly tells their child, “Bring this permission slip home to your mommy and daddy.” Or when a man is in the park pushing his baby in a stroller, and a well-meaning passerby says, “Aw, adorable, does he look like you or your wife?” Over time, these situations can really tear a person down.

Being in a committed couple is challenging, no matter the sex of each partner, and you are certain to run into your fair share of conflicts. How you handle them is what makes the difference between a strong, healthy relationship and one that ends in ugliness.

Please contact me if you and your partner are struggling with any issues and want to speak with someone who can help.

October 19, 2022 by Alan Zupka

How to Stay Active When Working from Home

Since the Covid lockdowns, more people have begun working from home. While working remotely definitely has its benefits (wearing pajamas all day comes to mind), there are also some drawbacks. In addition to less social interaction daily, there’s also less movement. And this lack of movement can greatly impact your health and fitness level.

If you work from the comfort of your home office or sofa, keep reading to find out how you can stay active to stay healthy!

Schedule Breaks

When in an office environment, it’s easy to take a break to walk down to the kitchen or go gab with coworkers at the proverbial water cooler. But when people work from home, they sometimes feel a bit guilty about taking a break. I mean, you already slept in and didn’t shower, AND you want a break on top of that?

No matter where you work, giving yourself 10-15 minute breaks a few times a day is important. Use these to get up, stretch, and do some walking to keep the blood flowing!

Take Your Conference Calls for a Walk

Most people have Zoom fatigue these days, and we’re all trying to have good old-fashioned phone calls once again. Try and make your virtual meetings happen by phone and then take your calls while on a walk. This will help clear your mind so you can focus better. Plus, you’ll burn a decent amount of calories.

Try a Standup Desk

Some health experts have recently warned that sitting all day is worse for your health than smoking. Try a standing desk to mitigate the health risks of sitting for hours. If cost is an issue, there are laptop stands that adjust. You can place one on your table or desk and raise it to the right standing height. And if your budget is really tight, you can stack boxes or books on top of your desk to get your laptop at the right height.

Working from home is great, as long as you find ways to keep your body active. These tips will keep your heart pumping and your blood flowing so you can protect your health.

SOURCES:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2019/05/28/10-ways-to-stay-active-while-working-from-home/?sh=49d7bed45865

13 Tips for Staying Active While Working From Home (2022)

https://www.pennmedicine.org/updates/blogs/heart-and-vascular-blog/2020/march/working-from-home

October 16, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Keeping the Spark Alive: Simple Romantic Things Long-Time Couples Can Do

When you build a fire, whether to warm your home or to add a bit of ambiance on a cold winter’s night, you know you’ve got to tend to the fire to keep it going. Relationships are no different. They, too, begin with that initial spark, but you both have to tend to the relationship to keep the heat!

In our modern age, too many couples are ready to throw in the towel as soon as things begin to cool off slightly. Love takes work; that’s the reality. I’ve known and worked with many couples who have been together for decades, and I’ve learned some of the key things that have helped them stay together for so long.

Give Each Other Your Full Attention

One of the greatest gifts of love you can give someone is your attention. Especially in today’s day and age, when it seems everyone has their head down, staring at their phone.

When you first fell in love, the other person was the center of your world. Has that changed over time? Do you take each other for granted?

Whether sharing a silly story or seeking advice, always give each other your full attention. Tune into them fully and engage. Ask questions and be with them there in the moment.

Learn Together

When the relationships begin to feel stale and old, it’s time to learn something new together. This could be taking a Salsa class or learning how to white water raft. The wonderful thing is while you are learning a new skill together, you will most likely learn new things about each other. We get to a point in our relationship when we think we know everything about the other person. But people are deep, mysterious wells that take years and years to explore!

Plan Surprises

Take turns planning something fun and spontaneous for you to do each month. It could be borrowing your friend’s rooftop condo for a rooftop summer picnic with stunning views of downtown. Or it could be taking a weekend cooking class or going on an overnight trip up into the mountains. Being spontaneous not only helps you break out of your relationship rut, it “forces” you to really think of the other person and what might make them happy.

Love is not something you fall in and out of; it is a journey that both of you are on together. To stay the course, be sure to give each other your full attention, learn together, and be spontaneous!

SOURCES:

How to keep a relationship alive

https://www.insider.com/how-to-keep-the-spark-in-your-relationship-2017-7

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202010/keeping-the-spark-alive-in-your-relationship

October 12, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict lovingly and respectfully:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

No yelling
No name-calling
No physical aggression
No foul language
No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires the validation of both partners’ feelings. When you blame the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to the resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Find a balance between what both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Professional counseling may be warranted depending on the root cause of the conflict. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or infidelity may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please contact me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

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