Self-Esteem Archives | Page 4 of 4

December 24, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

How to Manage Emotional Eating

People use different coping strategies when dealing with stress and other overwhelming emotions. Some people use substances such as drugs and alcohol, some smoke cigarettes, and some charge a lot of money to their credit card. And then there are those people who take comfort in their favorite foods.

Emotional eating often leads to weight gain and the development of health issues such as type two diabetes and high blood pressure. If left unchecked, emotional eating can lead to a life-long reliance on eating as a coping mechanism.

If you or someone you love is an emotional eater, becoming more mindful of eating is how you can manage your food issues. Here are some ways to become a more mindful eater:

Keep a Food Journal

Most emotional eaters are completely unaware of the kind or amount of food they eat on a daily or weekly basis. It’s important to start tracking what you consume as well as how much so you can recognize the real issue you may be having. This is not an exercise in harshly judging yourself, it’s simply so you can recognize the link between your emotions and eating habits.

For instance, you may see that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty okay days, but Thursday was when you got yelled at while you were at work and also got a speeding ticket, and ALSO ate fast food for lunch and dinner and ate almost a gallon of ice cream. Once you see this pattern over and over, that you tend to eat on those days you are stressed, angry, sad, etc., you will be able to start making positive changes.

Make Portions

When we eat emotionally, we don’t stop to think about the amount of food we are eating, we just shove it in as quickly as possible so those carbs can start making us feel better. The next time you find yourself eating based on your emotions, try and catch yourself and meter out a fair-sized portion. For instance, don’t sit in front of the TV with an entire bag of potato chips, take out a small bowl’s worth and put the rest away.

Try Not to Eat Alone

When we are alone, we can eat with abandon. But when we eat with others, we tend to have more awareness about what and how much we put in our mouths. When your day is stressful, instead of going out to lunch by yourself, where you’re apt to hit 2-3 drive-throughs, invite some other people out. This may help you to use more self-control.

These are just a few of the ways you can begin to recognize your emotional eating and gain control over your food choices. If you would like to speak to someone about the emotions you are dealing with and learn healthier coping strategies, please be in touch. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

December 16, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

Five Polite Ways for Introverts to Leave a Party Early

Most people who are introverted have no desire to attend a party. For introverts, parties are torturous social affairs, putting you far out of your comfort zone and forcing you to interact with strangers. Unfortunately for the introvert, there are moments in life when you absolutely must attend a party. If for you, the best thing about a party is leaving it, here are five ways to make a quick exit.

1. Tell The Host in Advance

One polite way to leave a party early is to make your excuse ahead of time. When you reply to accept the invitation, let the host know that you have to leave early because of another commitment. If it’s a less formal affair, you can let the host know when you arrive that you have to leave early. That way when it’s time to go, they won’t be surprised.

2. Take a Bathroom Break

Using a bathroom break as a method of escape is most handy for sit-down or small parties. Excuse yourself to use the bathroom; when you come out of the bathroom, grab your coat and/or purse and make your way to the host, thanking them for a lovely time.

3. The Early Morning

The tried and true “early morning” is the perfect excuse to leave a party. “I’m sorry I have to go, I have an early morning tomorrow.” Everyone understands having to hit the hay a bit earlier because of an early morning commitment.

4. Sudden Sickness

Alcohol at the party is a convenient scapegoat for your early departure. Let the host know you drank too much, or that the alcohol didn’t hit you well, so you have to head home.

5. Blame the Sitter

Letting your hosts know you have to get home to relieve your baby or pet sitter is a no-fail way to leave a party early.

Whatever method of escape you choose, when it’s time to duck out, make sure you take the time to find your host and thank them for inviting you. Be sure to let them know they were a great host by complimenting the food or saying how much fun you had, so they don’t interpret your exit as their party being a dud.

If you’re an introvert and are looking for support and guidance in overcoming shyness or handling social situations, a mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

November 24, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

What is Self-Esteem Counseling?

Most people recognize whether they have a high or low self-esteem. But what is self-esteem exactly and how does it impact our everyday life?

Self-esteem is the degree to which we feel worthy, valuable and confident, and these feelings or beliefs greatly affect our well-being and social interactions. Low self-esteem is associated with feelings of self-criticism, self-doubt, shame, social isolation and suppressed anger. Low self-esteem is also a symptom of several mental health conditions including depression.

Developing Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is learned in childhood, and there are many factors that can impact healthy development. Criticism or abuse from parents and caretakers, receiving little or no positive reinforcement for accomplishments, and having a learning disability that is stigmatized may foster a low self-esteem. Unless address in childhood, these young people will develop into adults with low self-esteem.

Even adults with healthy self-esteems can develop issues when they are faced with sudden life challenges they perceive as failures, such as legal or financial troubles, divorce, losing a job, and struggling with addiction.

How Psychotherapy Can Help

At any point in our lives, when events might cause us to question our worth or value, therapy can help us gain perspective. People suffering from low self-esteem can work with a therapist on becoming more self-aware, confident, and assertive.

One of the biggest boosts to self-esteem comes from a feeling of accomplishment, and a professional therapist can help people identify specific activities that can give them a confidence boost. In addition, many therapists can work with clients to help them develop self-compassion, so they may treat themselves with the same kindness and encouragement they do others.

It is common for therapists to use goal-directed therapy with people struggling with low self-esteem. Solution-focused and cognitive behavioral therapies tend to work best, and some therapists will also try animal assisted therapy, which can be incredibly effective in younger patients or those suffering as a result of a physical impairment.

The longer a person has lived with low self-esteem and been the victim of negative self-talk and criticism, the more they can be helped by therapy. Breaking self-destructive patterns will require proven tools and protocols that a professional therapist can offer.

When your self-esteem suffers, your quality of life does as well. Seeking treatment from a professional therapist is a great way to gain perspective and confidence, and acquire new habits based in self-love and self-compassion.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

November 17, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

Low Self-Esteem: What is it? What to Do About it

Self-esteem is an opinion we have of ourselves; a way of placing value on ourselves as people. While we may voice characteristics such as “I’m American” or “I have brown eyes,” these are facts that don’t carry a negative or positive connotation.

A low self-esteem suggests we carry a negative opinion of ourselves. For example, “I’m unattractive” or “I’m not good enough.” Most of us have mixed opinions of ourselves, but if your overall opinion is that you are an inferior or inadequate in some way, if you feel you have little worth and are not entitled to experiencing good things in life, your self-esteem is low. Having a low self-esteem can damper the great joys in life and have a negative impact on your relationships in general.

People with healthy self-esteems feel good about and value themselves. They also take pride in their abilities and accomplishments and enjoy sharing their talents with others. And perhaps most importantly, those with healthy self-esteems acknowledge their imperfections but do not feel they play a large part in their own self-image. In other words, they don’t put too much emphasis on their faults and limitations.

How to Create a Healthy Self-Esteem

The good news is a low self-esteem is not a life sentence. Since your low self-esteem developed over time (no one is born with low self-esteem), you can trade it in for a higher one. Here are a few ways to do it:

1. Forget Perfection – Focus on Accomplishments

Perfection only happens in Hollywood (and even there it gets a lot of help from Beverly Hills plastic surgeons and airbrushes!). The truth is, you will never have the perfect body, the perfect house, the perfect kids, or the perfect relationships. Perfection simply doesn’t exist in human nature.

Better to focus your attention and efforts on your accomplishments. And, when you achieve them, don’t de-value them by saying something like, “Oh, anyone could have done that.” Maybe, but then again, maybe not. The point is, you set a goal for yourself and you reached it. Celebrate your achievements and keep track of them in a journal so you can always refer to it and see how accomplished you are.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

Of course, when you’re setting goals, make sure they’re realistic. Having unrealistic expectations of yourself or how the world works in general is a surefire way to kill your self-esteem.

For example, setting a goal like, “I will have enough money to retire by the time I’m 35,” may not be realistic. Then what happens? Your 35^th birthday comes along and you are nowhere near retirement and you feel like a failure. What happened? You didn’t take into account that life throws you curveballs and that owning a home and having kids requires liquid capital (there goes the savings account!).

Don’t set yourself up for failure by having unrealistic expectations.

3. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Nothing hurts self-esteem quicker than unfair comparisons. Others may make more money than you, have more Facebook followers or six-pack abs, but they don’t have your mind and experiences. Though it’s a tough habit to break, it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others and, instead, celebrate how unique you are.

If you’ve tried these tips in the past but are still struggling with a low self-esteem, speaking with a counselor can help. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

Remain Curious