Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

October 16, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Keeping the Spark Alive: Simple Romantic Things Long-Time Couples Can Do

When you build a fire, whether to warm your home or to add a bit of ambiance on a cold winter’s night, you know you’ve got to tend to the fire to keep it going. Relationships are no different. They, too, begin with that initial spark, but you both have to tend to the relationship to keep the heat!

In our modern age, too many couples are ready to throw in the towel as soon as things begin to cool off slightly. Love takes work; that’s the reality. I’ve known and worked with many couples who have been together for decades, and I’ve learned some of the key things that have helped them stay together for so long.

Give Each Other Your Full Attention

One of the greatest gifts of love you can give someone is your attention. Especially in today’s day and age, when it seems everyone has their head down, staring at their phone.

When you first fell in love, the other person was the center of your world. Has that changed over time? Do you take each other for granted?

Whether sharing a silly story or seeking advice, always give each other your full attention. Tune into them fully and engage. Ask questions and be with them there in the moment.

Learn Together

When the relationships begin to feel stale and old, it’s time to learn something new together. This could be taking a Salsa class or learning how to white water raft. The wonderful thing is while you are learning a new skill together, you will most likely learn new things about each other. We get to a point in our relationship when we think we know everything about the other person. But people are deep, mysterious wells that take years and years to explore!

Plan Surprises

Take turns planning something fun and spontaneous for you to do each month. It could be borrowing your friend’s rooftop condo for a rooftop summer picnic with stunning views of downtown. Or it could be taking a weekend cooking class or going on an overnight trip up into the mountains. Being spontaneous not only helps you break out of your relationship rut, it “forces” you to really think of the other person and what might make them happy.

Love is not something you fall in and out of; it is a journey that both of you are on together. To stay the course, be sure to give each other your full attention, learn together, and be spontaneous!

SOURCES:

How to keep a relationship alive

https://www.insider.com/how-to-keep-the-spark-in-your-relationship-2017-7

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202010/keeping-the-spark-alive-in-your-relationship

October 12, 2022 by Alan Zupka

Conflict Resolution Strategies for Couples

Conflict is natural, and every couple will experience it at some point in their relationship. The difference between a couple who can navigate this conflict and those who allow conflict to break their bond comes down to proven conflict resolution strategies.

The following are highly effective strategies every couple can use to get to the other side of a conflict lovingly and respectfully:

Create a Safe Space

When an argument begins, how many of us go into it with the intent of “winning” or proving the other person wrong? Having this intention is a recipe for disaster and resentment.

To resolve conflict, you and your partner need to establish respectful rules. These can include:

No yelling
No name-calling
No physical aggression
No foul language
No blaming or shaming

Without a safe space to interact, no real communication can take place.

Validate the Other Person’s Feelings

Resolving conflict requires the validation of both partners’ feelings. When you blame the other or state that they are somehow wrong, they will feel unheard and misunderstood. And arguing from this place will never lead to the resolution of the original conflict.

Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Listen fully when they speak. Make eye contact (stay off your phone!). Nod while they are speaking. Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

You will be amazed at how much different things go when you validate your partner.

Find the Middle-Ground

Conflict resolution ultimately relies on both of you being able to come to a compromise. Find a balance between what both of you want and what you are comfortable with.

Get Help

Professional counseling may be warranted depending on the root cause of the conflict. A couple most likely can navigate an argument that stems from someone not doing their fair share of chores. But a conflict that is rooted in, say, financial trouble or infidelity may warrant professional help.

If you and your partner seem unable to resolve your conflicts on your own and would like to explore treatment options, please contact me. I would be more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

SOURCES:

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

https://psychcentral.com/relationships/conflict-resolution-in-relationships

https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

October 9, 2022 by Alan Zupka

The Three Types of Stress

Stress is a normal part of life. And a little bit of stress can actually be a good thing. For instance, when we lift weights, we are stressing our muscles, helping them to become bigger and stronger. Similarly, little bits of mental stress can help us become more skilled and resilient.

But too much of any type of stress can wreak havoc on our bodies and overall health. The following are the three main types of stress according to the American Psychological Association:

Acute Stress

Acute stress occurs suddenly and out of the blue. Your boss may throw you a big project to finish under a tight deadline. Or you just barely missed a bad car accident. You will experience an elevated heart rate, blood pressure, and perhaps a migraine for a short period.

Episodic Acute Stress

These are mini-crises that happen to some people on a fairly regular basis. Some people take on too much responsibility or are somehow overburdened in their life, and so they live in a constant state of tension.

Chronic Stress

Chronic stress results from serious life problems that wear us down for months or years. There is really no let up with this type of stress. Chronic stress has been linked to heart disease and stroke.

Chiropractic to Help Beat the Effects of Stress

Seeing a chiropractor won’t magically make you immune from stressful events in your life. But regular chiropractic care can help your body deal with the effects of stress on your body. Whether you need help with tense muscles, ease headache symptoms, or get a better night’s sleep, we can help you hold onto your health and well-being.

If you’d like a free consultation, please give us a call or stop by our office.

October 5, 2022 by Alan Zupka

When is it Time to Ask for Help?

Depression is a complex mental health issue that varies widely between individuals. This is why it can be difficult for some people to recognize what may be a situational discomfort that may pass on its own and what may be more serious and require professional help.

The Difference Between Mild and Serious Mental Health Issues

To measure the seriousness of a mental health issue, most mental health professionals look at what impact it has on the person’s everyday life. They also take into account the events that led to the issue.

Mild mental health issues are typically less persistent and disruptive to an individual’s everyday life. On the other hand, serious mental health issues are often so severe that they negatively impact a person’s relationships and performance at school and work.

For example, feeling pressure at work about an upcoming deadline will make most individuals feel stressed and anxious. But if your anxiety becomes so great that you begin calling in sick to work to avoid the project and responsibilities, that would be seen as a disruption in your everyday life. Severe anxiety can lead to panic attacks, which is a reason to seek support.

Something else to keep in mind is the context around the mental health issue. It is perfectly normal to grieve after losing a loved one or to feel anger and resentment after discovering your partner’s infidelity. While it can definitely be helpful to speak with someone during these times, you may not necessarily be experiencing a severe mental health crisis that would warrant help.

It is important to mention that the events of one’s life need not be “serious” for you to reach out for help. Whatever it is that you are going through and whatever feelings you are experiencing, they are valid.

Warning Signs of a Serious Mental Health Crisis

The following are some red flags of a mental health crisis that warrant asking for help:

Feeling sad or “down” for long periods (particularly without an inciting incident)
Noticeable mood swings from very high, like euphoria, to very low, deep sadness or depression
Excessive worry
Feeling empty or apathetic about life
Engaging in self-harming behaviors, like cutting
Withdrawing from friends and family
Changes in appetite, sleep, or sex drive
Constant fatigue
Thoughts of suicide

If you or a loved one are experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s time to seek help. While the days seem dark right now, they can and will get brighter. I’d love to help you get there, so please get in touch with me so we can set up a time to speak.

SOURCES:

https://www.counseling.org/news/aca-blogs/aca-counseling-corner/aca-counseling-corner-blog/2018/03/01/knowing-when-to-ask-for-help#:~:text=If%20you’re%20facing%20a,to%20seek%20out%20professional%20help

https://jedfoundation.org/resource/mental-health-warning-signs-and-when-to-ask-for-help/

https://www.columbiatribune.com/story/sponsor-story/burrell-behavioral-health/2022/05/02/mental-health-matters-knowing-when-ask-help/9558636002/

Remain Curious