Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

September 19, 2021 by Alan Zupka

Signs Your Partner Is Addicted To Pornography

All addictions negatively impact a relationship, and pornography addiction is certainly no exception. The adult entertainment industry generates billions of dollars annually, and with an estimated 40 million Americans visiting porn sites regularly, pornography addiction is a problem for many families.

With an estimated 28% of women viewing online pornography versus 72% of men, pornography addiction isn’t a problem specific to men; women can also become addicted. If you’re concerned that your partner has developed an addiction to pornography, here are some signs to look out for.

They spend a lot of time on the internet

The porn addict will spend hours, and sometimes even days, online viewing pornography. If your spouse spends an increasing amount of time alone, either with a phone, laptop or tablet, they may be developing an obsession with pornography.

They’re critical of you

Porn stars are typically young and attractive, often times surgically enhanced. The more your partner watches pornography, the more negatively you may be compared to the models They are watching. Porn addicts tend to objectify their partner, and as your spouse spends increasing amounts of time watching porn, they may start to become critical of your body.

Unusual spending activity

Checking your bank or credit card statements, you may find unexpected or unexplained charges. Adult entertainment websites will often mask the charges to benefit the confidentiality of their customers, so you may have to do a Google search or make some phone calls to uncover the source of the charges.

Your sex life has changed

When someone is addicted to pornography, they may no longer have the drive or desire to maintain a sex life with their partner. Conversely, some addicts become more demanding. They may want to engage in acts you’re not comfortable with. As a person becomes more and more addicted to pornography, they will have to watch increasingly unusual material. This may result in your partner becoming more rough or aggressive.

So what can you do if you suspect your partner is addicted to porn?

First, know that their addiction is not your fault. People become addicted as a way of coping with unwanted feelings and emotions, or as a way to avoid real life stress or difficulties.

Second, seek support from trusted loved ones and find a therapist who can help you both on the road to recovery.

Is your relationship suffering because of pornography addiction? A trained, licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.

September 12, 2021 by Alan Zupka

Celebrating National Recovery Month

September is National Recovery Month, a time dedicated to spreading awareness about the benefits of substance abuse treatment and mental health services, which can help many suffering in our society lead better lives. For over 30 years, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has been educating the public on the value of investing in themselves and the community as a whole.

If you or a loved one have been affected by substance addiction or mental health illness, here are some ways you can celebrate National Recovery Month:

Help Spread the Word

The National Recovery Month website offers banners, logos and flyers you can print and circulate throughout your community, helping to raise awareness.

Support

Contact your local recovery center and see if they will be holding any events that you can attend.

Share Your Personal Story

There are numerous ways you can share your own story and inspire and empower others. You might want to speak at a local event or write about your story on your blog or Facebook page. Sharing your story about recovery from addiction or mental health illness provides others with hope and the affirmation they are not alone.

Host Your Own Event

On the SAMHSA website, you will find many different recovery events that you may want to consider hosting. For instance, there are walks and rallies that are always great for drawing a crowd and spreading important messages.

Say Thank You

This month is a great time to reflect and show gratitude to the people who have helped you in your recovery. You can say thanks to yourself, your network of family and friends, and the professionals that supported you along the way.

Recovery is never “done.’ It is a lifelong commitment and process. If you’d like to find a therapist who can help you continue to recover and reach your true potential, please reach out to me.

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September 5, 2021 by Alan Zupka

The Power of Vulnerability

We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change. And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable?

Think of the amount of courage it takes to allow yourself to be in a position where your heart might get broken. To say “I love you” first. How much courage does it take to put yourself out there and make new friends? Go for that promotion? Rely on others instead of only ourselves?

The Benefits of Vulnerability

We know the obvious benefits of courage. Wars are won, bad guys are put in jail, people are saved from burning buildings. But how can we benefit from being vulnerable?

More Intimacy

Opening up to another human being and sharing your deepest emotions is what ultimately builds healthy and lasting relationships. When we expose our authentic selves, we set ourselves up for potential heartache, yes, but also for ultimate connection.

Better Self-Worth

Being vulnerable also allows us to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all. This helps us to STOP comparing ourselves to others and experience a tremendous boost in our self-esteem and self-worth.

It Begets Compassion

Getting comfortable with our own vulnerability means we can also be comfortable with others’. And this means, in those times when the people in our lives show their vulnerability to us, we can respond with compassion.

Start the Journey

As they say, every journey starts with a single step. Your journey toward embracing your own vulnerabilities will also start with a single step. This may mean spending more quiet time alone. It may mean the next time a good friend asks, “How are you?” you tell them the truth.

It may also mean digging deep and uncovering some old wounds and darkness that you have been ignoring. And for this part of the journey, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a trained therapist who can offer effective tools.

If you’d like some assistance on your journey, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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August 29, 2021 by Alan Zupka

Are You an Exercise Addict?

We all know that to be healthy we’ve got to exercise regularly. But do some people take exercise too far? How much exercise is too much?

It is entirely possible to become addicted to exercise. In fact, it is estimated that 3% of regular gym-goers are exercise addicts. But this number can change dramatically depending on the specific population and type of physical activity.

As an example, research suggests that roughly 25% of amateur runners may be considered addicted to exercise while a whopping 50% of marathon runners may be addicts.

While the prevalence of exercise addiction may be low compared to other more common addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling), considering the physical (shin splints, irregular heartbeats, fatigue) and emotional toll an exercise addiction brings, it’s important to address the issue.

What is Exercise Addiction Exactly?

Simply put, this addiction describes someone who is fanatical about physical activity despite any negative consequences. The symptoms experienced with this addiction are similar to other addictions. The only difference is the “drug” of choice here is fitness.

Symptoms of exercise addiction include:

Heightened Stimulus

There is a growing need for more and more physical activity to get the same endorphin highs, greater self-esteem, etc.

Withdrawal

On days when the addict doesn’t exercise, there is a feeling of anxiety, depression, irritability, etc.

Loss of Control

It feels incredibly challenging for exercise addicts to keep their fitness levels down to manageable levels.

Obsession

More time is given to physical fitness than to work, social life, hobbies, etc. In fact, over time, less and less time is given to social or work activities while exercise becomes even more of a priority.

Poor Decision Making

Despite illness, injury, or caution given by concerned friends and family or healthcare workers, addicts persist with their physical activity levels.

Getting Help

This article in no way intends to suggest that exercise is bad. As long as it’s done in a healthy manner, exercise obviously brings a lot of benefits to our hearts, bones, and muscles.

But when someone becomes obsessed with working out, to the extent that they begin to jeopardize their health and relationships, they have become addicted and need to seek treatment. If left unchecked, exercise addiction can be as bad for our health as being completely sedentary and inactive.

Exercise addiction can be treated through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This type of mental health modality helps a person discover where their addiction comes from and adjust their behavior accordingly.

If you or someone you love has an exercise addiction and would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.