Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

August 18, 2025 by Alan Zupka

Rediscovering Yourself After a Breakup: Support for LGBTQ+ and Polyamorous Individuals

Rediscovering Yourself After a Breakup: Support for LGBTQ+ and Polyamorous Individuals

If you are moving through the aftermath of a breakup or divorce—whether from a monogamous partner or within a polycule—you are not alone. Relationship endings can evoke profound grief, loss, and uncertainty, especially when the relationship had shared dreams, identities, or even family structures. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, these experiences are compounded by past invalidations, societal invisibility, or a lack of affirming support.

According to national statistics, about half of first marriages end in divorce, and the rates rise for second and third marriages. These numbers, however, do not reflect the whole reality of queer or non-monogamous relationships. Your story is valid, and the pain you carry deserves care and compassionate attention.

In my practice, I support individuals and partners navigating relationship loss by helping them reclaim their narratives, reconnect with personal values, and explore new possibilities for growth and connection. Healing is not about forgetting what happened. It is about making meaning from your experience and cultivating inner strength as you move forward.

You Deserve Time to Heal

Breakups, whether mutual or unexpected, can be emotionally disorienting. In narrative therapy, we explore the stories we carry about ourselves—stories shaped by love, attachment, rejection, and loss. After a relationship ends, it is common to experience questions like, “Who am I without them?” or “Was it my fault?”

Rather than rushing into a new relationship, I encourage you to pause. Give yourself time to process what happened, rediscover your identity outside of that relationship, and reflect on what you truly desire moving forward. From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, this means gently challenging distorted thoughts—such as all-or-nothing beliefs or self-blame—while replacing them with more balanced and compassionate perspectives.

Mindfulness can support this process by anchoring you in the present moment. Whether you are grieving, angry, or uncertain, allowing those emotions to surface without judgment is an essential act of self-acceptance.

When You Feel Ready to Date Again

Healing is not linear. When you begin to feel emotionally grounded again, you may feel curious about meeting someone new or reconnecting with the dating world. For some, that involves opening up to new dynamics within their polycule; for others, it might mean downloading a dating app for the first time. Here are some gentle reminders for when that time comes:

Be open to different ways of connecting. Dating apps may feel foreign or overwhelming, especially if your last relationship began long ago. However, they can be useful tools for meeting others—especially in queer or polyamorous spaces where visibility matters. You might also consider joining community events or taking a class that aligns with your interests and values.
Lead with honesty. There is no need to share every detail of your past, but it is helpful to be transparent about what you are looking for. Let potential partners know about your relationship history and your intentions moving forward. Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy connection—romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between.
Protect your children’s emotional world. If you are a parent, it is natural to want to blend your new relationship with your family life. However, it is wise to wait until the relationship feels stable before introducing a new partner to your children. This gives you time to assess compatibility and emotional safety for everyone involved.

Moving Forward with Support

Whether your breakup was recent or still feels unresolved after many months, therapy can offer a compassionate and nonjudgmental space to process your journey. I work with LGBTQ+ individuals and polycules who are grieving, rebuilding, and seeking clarity. Together, we will explore what the relationship meant to you, how it shaped your identity, and how you would like to author the next chapter of your life.

Through a blend of narrative exploration, mindfulness-based strategies, cognitive restructuring, and strengths-focused work, I help clients reconnect with what matters most to them and begin to trust in their own resilience.

You do not have to navigate this alone. If you are ready to talk, I would be honored to support you. Reach out today to schedule an appointment—I will work with you to find a time that fits your needs and offers space for healing, reflection, and growth.

August 15, 2025 by Alan Zupka

30 Common Signs of Stress

Understanding Stress: Recognizing the Signs and Taking Back the Narrative

Stress is a natural and often necessary reaction to perceived pressure or threat. In healthy doses, it can energize and motivate. However, when stress becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can interfere with mental clarity, emotional stability, and physical health. While many people experience stress daily, few realize the extent to which it can manifest in the body, mind, and behavior.

Below are 30 common signs that may indicate stress is impacting your well-being:

Headaches
Blurred vision
Eye soreness
Tearfulness
Jaw clenching
Teeth grinding
Chest pain
Increased blood pressure
Heartburn
Difficulty breathing
Indigestion
Diarrhea
Constipation
Muscle aches
Skin rashes
Itchiness
Sweating
Nail biting
Dizziness
Fainting
Insomnia
Fatigue
Sudden weight changes
Menstrual cycle changes
Racing thoughts
Panic attacks
Depression
Feeling overwhelmed, restless, nervous, anxious, fearful, impatient, irritable, or angry
Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering
Worsening of other mental health challenges

Reclaiming Control: A Therapeutic Approach to Stress

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it is essential to know that support is available and healing is possible. Stress does not have to be the author of your story. I believe in helping you become the narrator of your life—one who writes with intention, compassion, and strength.

When you work with me, we begin by exploring your unique experience of stress. Through narrative therapy, I invite you to externalize the problem, recognizing that stress is something you face, not something you are. Together, we uncover the stories that shape your stress responses and challenge the limiting beliefs that keep those stories alive.

From a cognitive-behavioral lens, we identify patterns of thought that may be contributing to your distress, and I guide you in developing practical tools to shift those patterns toward healthier, more balanced thinking. Using mindfulness, I help you cultivate awareness of the present moment, so that your mind can learn to respond rather than react. Through the principles of positive psychology, we focus on your strengths, resilience, and capacity for change, supporting you in building a life that aligns with your values.

Stress management is not about eliminating pressure from life. It is about learning to relate to it differently, with more clarity, confidence, and calm.

If you are ready to begin this work, I welcome the opportunity to support you. Together, we can create space for healing, reflection, and renewal. Please reach out to me today to get started.

August 11, 2025 by Alan Zupka

Understanding Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder (PTED)

Understanding Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder (PTED): A Path Toward Healing and Meaning

Many individuals are familiar with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but fewer people are aware of a related and equally distressing condition: post-traumatic embitterment disorder (PTED). PTED can emerge after a deeply unjust or humiliating life event, such as being bullied, assaulted, unfairly fired, or betrayed. What distinguishes PTED is the intensity and persistence of feelings such as bitterness, resentment, and helplessness, especially when the individual feels that their core beliefs about fairness or justice have been violated.

PTED often affects those who have invested great effort and hope into achieving a meaningful goal. For example, someone who has worked tirelessly, taken on extra responsibilities, and sacrificed personal time in pursuit of a promotion may feel profound injustice if they are unexpectedly terminated instead. When hard work is met with perceived betrayal or indifference, the emotional aftermath can be overwhelming.

As a therapist, I view these experiences through a compassionate and multifaceted lens—one that honors your story, acknowledges the real harm done, and supports your journey toward healing and reclaiming agency in your life. Through a blend of narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), positive psychology, and mindfulness, we can begin to make sense of your experience and chart a new path forward.

Common Symptoms of PTED

PTED does not look the same for everyone, but many individuals report experiencing:

Persistent feelings of anger or aggression
Emotional numbness or distress
A sense of betrayal or violation
Helplessness or hopelessness
Distrust of others or authority
Difficulty cooperating or connecting
Vengeful thoughts or fantasies
Rumination and deep emotional pain

Often, people with PTED find themselves stuck in a loop of resentment and perceived injustice. In CBT, we examine the thinking patterns and beliefs that sustain this distress, while mindfulness practices can help ground you in the present moment and reduce emotional reactivity. Positive psychology encourages us to rediscover personal strengths and values, even in the midst of suffering. And from a narrative therapy perspective, we gently explore the story you have been telling yourself, helping you reclaim authorship over your life, even in the face of pain and perceived injustice.

When Embitterment Takes Root

Embitterment can make it feel nearly impossible to move forward. It may interfere with relationships, disrupt professional functioning, and in some cases lead to harmful coping mechanisms or thoughts of self-harm. I want you to know that you do not have to carry this pain alone. Your emotions make sense in the context of your experiences, and support is available.

Working Together Toward Growth and Relief

If you recognize yourself in any part of this description, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can unpack the weight of this experience and work toward reducing the emotional burden it has left behind. In therapy, I aim to create a safe, affirming space where you can explore what happened, express what it means to you, and gradually begin to move toward healing and empowerment.

Whether you are struggling with post-traumatic embitterment, unresolved anger, or simply feel stuck after a life-altering event, there is a path forward—and I would be honored to walk it with you.

Feel free to contact me to learn more or to schedule a consultation. Healing is possible, and it begins with the decision to reach out.

August 8, 2025 by Alan Zupka

Navigating Breakups and Divorce in LGBTQ+ Relationships

Navigating Breakups and Divorce in LGBTQ+ Relationships: Honoring Your Story, Healing With Intention

The end of a significant relationship—whether in a marriage, long-term partnership, or polycule—is never easy. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, the pain of a breakup or divorce can feel layered. It may not only involve losing someone you once loved, but also stepping away from a chosen family, shifting roles within your shared social circle, and mourning the future you once imagined together.

In my work with individuals, couples, and polycules across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, I understand that every relationship holds its own unique story. When that story changes, it can feel like the ground beneath your feet has shifted. Through a blend of narrative therapy, positive psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and mindfulness-based practices, I help clients re-author their stories with clarity, compassion, and intention.

Making Space for Grief and Growth

Breakups and divorces often bring a mix of emotions—grief, guilt, fear, relief, even hope. All of these feelings are valid. You might find yourself questioning your self-worth or wondering whether you could have done something differently. In our work together, I help you recognize these internal dialogues as part of your healing narrative, not as final truths, but as stories that can be revised with care and perspective.

There are ways to support your emotional well-being during this transition. While no single action can eliminate the pain, intentional practices can help you reconnect with yourself and create space for healing. Consider:

Spending time with supportive friends, chosen family, or affirming community members
Exploring a new hobby or creative outlet
Practicing mindfulness or meditation to ground yourself in the present
Moving your body through exercise, dance, or yoga
Journaling your thoughts to process and externalize difficult emotions
Volunteering to reconnect with purpose
Taking breaks for rest and self-care, perhaps even a massage or time in nature
Participating in support groups designed for LGBTQ+ individuals experiencing relationship transitions

These practices are not meant to “fix” what you are feeling. Instead, they serve as gentle reminders that even amidst loss, you can still cultivate meaning, resilience, and agency.

Therapy Can Offer a Steady Anchor

Sometimes, friends and family can hold space for you in ways that are healing and affirming. At other times, the emotional complexity of your experience may call for professional support. If you are navigating the end of a relationship—whether monogamous or polyamorous—I invite you to work with me.

Together, we can explore what this chapter means in the broader context of your life story. Using principles from narrative therapy, we can reframe painful beliefs and examine the values you still carry forward. With tools from CBT, we can challenge negative thought patterns and strengthen your emotional resilience. Through mindfulness, we can create a quiet space for emotional clarity. With insights from positive psychology, we can help you reconnect with your sources of strength, identity, and hope.

You are not alone in this. Many LGBTQ+ individuals and partnerships face similar crossroads, and healing is possible.

If you are ready to begin, I would be honored to support you. Reach out to schedule a consultation. Your story matters, and it deserves to be told with compassion and dignity.

Remain Curious