Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

December 16, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Five Polite Ways for Introverts to Leave a Party Early

Most people who are introverted have no desire to attend a party. For introverts, parties are torturous social affairs, putting you far out of your comfort zone and forcing you to interact with strangers. Unfortunately for the introvert, there are moments in life when you absolutely must attend a party. If for you, the best thing about a party is leaving it, here are five ways to make a quick exit.

1. Tell The Host in Advance

One polite way to leave a party early is to make your excuse ahead of time. When you reply to accept the invitation, let the host know that you have to leave early because of another commitment. If it’s a less formal affair, you can let the host know when you arrive that you have to leave early. That way when it’s time to go, they won’t be surprised.

2. Take a Bathroom Break

Using a bathroom break as a method of escape is most handy for sit-down or small parties. Excuse yourself to use the bathroom; when you come out of the bathroom, grab your coat and/or purse and make your way to the host, thanking them for a lovely time.

3. The Early Morning

The tried and true “early morning” is the perfect excuse to leave a party. “I’m sorry I have to go, I have an early morning tomorrow.” Everyone understands having to hit the hay a bit earlier because of an early morning commitment.

4. Sudden Sickness

Alcohol at the party is a convenient scapegoat for your early departure. Let the host know you drank too much, or that the alcohol didn’t hit you well, so you have to head home.

5. Blame the Sitter

Letting your hosts know you have to get home to relieve your baby or pet sitter is a no-fail way to leave a party early.

Whatever method of escape you choose, when it’s time to duck out, make sure you take the time to find your host and thank them for inviting you. Be sure to let them know they were a great host by complimenting the food or saying how much fun you had, so they don’t interpret your exit as their party being a dud.

If you’re an introvert and are looking for support and guidance in overcoming shyness or handling social situations, a mental health professional can help. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

December 11, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Common Excuses People Make to Keep Drinking

For many people, drinking alcohol is something that is done on occasion and in moderation. Having a glass or two of champagne on New Year’s Eve or a cocktail out with friends is nothing to be concerned about.

For others, however, alcohol is not something one marks a special occasion with; it is the main event.

There are a variety of factors that can influence a person’s behavior when it comes to drinking such as genetics, biology and the environment. While the reasons one becomes addicted to alcohol can vary, what is consistent is a desire to keep drinking, despite being shown the devastation it is causing to their life.

Here are some of the most common excuses people make to keep drinking:

I’ll Lose My Friends if I Quit Drinking

Many a social life is based on partying and having a good time, and that typically includes drinking alcohol. This is especially true for younger people, who feel pressured to drink when they are around their friends. “No one will invite me to their parties if I refuse to drink.” “Everyone will think I’m weird or uptight if I’m the only one not drinking.”

While friends and associates may take notice, it’s important to realize that real friends will want to spend time with you no matter what. Those that don’t may have a drinking problem themselves and are uncomfortable around your healthy change in behavior.

Wine is Good for Me

While numerous studies have suggested consuming alcohol, red wine in particular, can benefit the heart and improve cholesterol levels, all speak of consuming in moderate amounts. In fact, a majority of US health agencies recommend no more than two drinks a day for men, and only one for women.

So, while some studies suggest drinking in moderation is good for health, the amount is really key. If you find you are drinking more than one or two glasses each day, you are no longer promoting health.

Drinking Relieves Stress

It’s no secret that stress can wreak havoc on our health. And no one can really blame a person if they want to somehow “take the edge off.” But alcohol consumption is not the healthiest ways to deal with stress. For those with unhealthy drinking behaviors, the one or two glasses needed to take that edge off turns into three, four and more. Stress and alcohol feed off of each other.

There are much healthier ways to alleviate stress such as meditation and yoga.

Quitting drinking is incredibly difficult, but, with the right support, it can be done. If you or a loved one has a drinking problem and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

December 8, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Coping with Depression During the Holiday Season

During this time of year, radio and TV ads would have us believe we should all feel merry and bright. Sadly, that’s not always the case. According to the National Institute of Health, many people experience depression during the holiday season.

Some of the most common reasons people experience depression during this time of year are:

Financial hardship – ‘Tis the season to be jolly, unless your bank account is overdrawn and your credit cards maxed out. Not having a budget to buy loved ones presents, especially our children, can feel devastating.
Stress – It’s easy to become overwhelmed from the added stress of shopping, planning and travel. Studies have found this is particularly true for women.
Grief and loneliness – Many people feel incredibly lonely during the holidays. Whether it’s from being single, recently divorced, or having just lost a loved one, the holidays are often a reminder of what we don’t have but wish we did.

If you can relate and are looking for some relief, here are ways you can cope with your depression this holiday season:

Feel Your Feelings

If you are grieving a loss, it’s important that you’re honest about your feelings. Your instinct may be to put on a brave face for friends and family, but forcing yourself to be happy for the sake of others will only make matters worse. Sadness and grief are a part of life, no matter the season, and it is 100% okay for you to feel your feelings.

Give Something Besides Money

If a lack of finances is the primary source of your mood, look for other ways you can give to others. You can volunteer at a local charity. Are you a good cook? Offer to cook for friends and family. If your talent is writing, write your kids a bedtime story or, if it’s painting, paint a beautiful mural on their wall. At the end of the day, thoughtful gifts from your heart will leave the greatest lasting impression.

Focus on Self Care

It’s important that you care for yourself during the holiday season. Eat right, drink filtered water, exercise, and get plenty of rest. While these steps are important for everyone throughout the entire year, they are particularly important for those suffering from depression during the holidays.

Seek Help

Depression is nothing to take lightly. If your depression has lingered, is getting worse, or you’re having suicidal thoughts, it’s imperative that you seek help from a qualified mental health professional. They will be able to help you navigate your overwhelming emotions and offer tools to manage symptoms.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. You don’t have to suffer alone. I would be more than happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

December 5, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Tips to Manage Anger Around Your Family During the Holidays

For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not be the most healthy. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember, and you might revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.

There could be many things that make spending time with family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some tips on how to keep your cool.

Define How You Experience Anger

People experience anger differently. Some might get more aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is starting to develop inside you so you can take control of how you respond.

Rehearse Responses

It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be caught off guard.

Set Boundaries

It’s important to set boundaries with family. If a family member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore, pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you.

Cut the Visit Short

Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your sanity) is to spend less time. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table. You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early.

Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. While managing your anger can be challenging, learning to maintain control over your emotions is a healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your family relationships unharmed and intact.

If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family relationships, a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Remain Curious