Alan Zupka, Author at AZupkaCounseling

August 16, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

5 Benefits of Sex After 50

Life comes at you fast.

It seems one minute you’re avoiding eye contact with your parents as they awkwardly tell you about the birds and the bees, and the next minute? You’re “of an age” where you are not considered a sexual being anymore.

That’s right, as soon as you hit the big 5-0, you are supposed to cease all sexual relations. Or at least, that’s how mature adults are made to feel.

But sex is not just for the young. Studies have shown that older people can benefit from healthy sex lives.

Here are some reasons why sex benefits those over 50:

It Makes You Feel Great

And not just in the obvious way. Certain hormones like dopamine and oxytocin are released during sex and orgasm. These hormones make us feel fantastic and promote feelings of positive attachment to our partners.

It Keeps You Healthy

Sex also increases testosterone in both men and women. Frequency of sex in younger men appears to protect them from prostate cancer later in life and decreases their risk of heart attacks. For women, this testosterone prevents chronic cystitis, eventual prolapse, and incontinence.

Sex is Exercise

The older we get, the more important it is for us to stay active. But not everybody likes to hit the gym or do yoga three times a week.

Sex is a great way to work up a sweat and get your heart pumping and body moving.

Sex Enhances Self-Esteem

We all want to feel desirable. Having a partner who wants to be with you in such an intimate way is an esteem boost at any age. And, according to studies, feelings of self-worth are the basis of psychological health. Sexual behavior has been associated with fewer and less frequent symptoms of depression, both in women and in men.

Sex Helps the Marriage

Though there are stresses to aging that can be challenging within a long-term relationship, sexual contact can help sustain a marriage. One study, which looked at couples over 50 who had been married for at least 20 years, found that impediments or barriers to sexual behaviors were of minimal importance as long as physical intimacy continued.

Of course, sex isn’t a cure-all for relationship woes. The truth is, marriage is work.

And the longer you two have been together, the more trials and tribulations you’ve experienced along the way, the more settled you’ve become in your ways, and the more difficult it can be to see one another the way you used to.

If you’re experiencing marital trouble, couples therapy can be very beneficial. A therapist can facilitate communication and offer tools that can help you reconnect and fall in love all over again.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring couple’s therapy, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

August 2, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

4 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days.

All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions of the individuals or how in love you were when the relationship began, it is completely natural for a relationship to take a hit every now and then.

In some ways, these trials can be a good thing. Much like you need to break down muscle to build it up stronger than it was before, many relationships can be strengthened by challenges, provided your communication is healthy.

Here are some ways to improve communication in your relationship:

1. Recognize the Change

It’s important to be open and honest with yourself and each other. Don’t deny that something has changed in your relationship, admit it openly. You may also need to recognize that each of you has changed over the years. None of us stays the same. Our wants, needs, passions, annoyances, etc. change as we mature and grow as people. People can usually accommodate this change as long as they admit it has happened.

2. Validate Each Other’s Feelings

There are two words that are very powerful in communication, “Yes, and…” Effective communication is not about one person being right and the other wrong. Often, both people are right and allowed to feel their feelings. Try not to attack the other person or get them to compromise on issues. Instead, focus on simply being heard and hearing the other person.

3. Be Ready to Change

If you want to improve your communication as a means to get the other person to change their ways, you are really thinking about this communication thing all wrong! Good communication is not about winning an argument. This is not a debate class. Your goal is to better share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and struggles with each other. Don’t be so focused on getting the other person to change and focus more on how your own behavior could change.

4. Breathe

Managing your emotions is one of the most important skills when it comes to interpersonal interaction. How often are you ready to blow when you and your spouse or partner are speaking to each other? How does the communication breakdown once you or your partner have become emotional?

When communicating with your partner, or anyone, should you feel your emotions rise, stop, take a slow, deep breath, and let it out. Taking this moment is important and will help you not to say something you’ll regret or that will escalate the situation.

None of us are perfect. All we can do is try to be the best versions of ourselves we can be for ourselves and our loved ones. By following these communication tips you will be able to strengthen your relationships.

July 14, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

6 Ways that Alcohol Makes Depression Worse

A great many alcoholics are also suffering from major depression. Because alcohol can feed our brain’s serotonin receptors, it can make someone feel good for a short amount of time. But eventually the person crashes and feels even worse than they did before.

And this vicious cycle continues and is, unfortunately, very hard to break without asking for professional help.

The Chicken or the Egg Theory

Both alcoholism and depression are psychiatric illnesses that cause distress and impair a person’s ability to function. It is not surprising at all that these two diseases are linked, but which tends to come first?

Researchers have found that alcoholism doubled a person’s risk of developing depression. In fact, the analysis indicated that alcoholism was more likely to cause or worsen depression than depression was likely to cause or worsen alcohol use/misuse.

6 Ways That Alcohol Can Worsen Depression

Alcoholism can eventually lead to isolation, which exacerbates depression. Humans are social creatures and we can become very depressed when left alone for too long.
Alcoholism also leads to poor economic outcomes, as is common with the loss of a job. Chronic financial stress can cause or worsen depression symptoms.
Alcoholism can trigger health crises that can lead to or worsen depression. Fatty liver disease, heart disease and diabetes are just a few of the chronic illnesses linked with alcohol abuse.
Alcohol can cause brain or metabolic changes that can lead to depression. For instance, alcohol can mess with a person’s endocrine system and the resulting hormonal imbalance can worsen their depression symptoms.
Alcohol is a depressant. While it can make you feel “happier” initially, it eventually worsens the depression.
Alcohol impairs judgement and increases impulsivity. This can lead to poor behavior and negative consequences that lead to or worsen feelings of depression.

The bottom line is alcohol abuse and depression are a dangerous combination. And unfortunately, this combination can be self-reinforcing and incredibly hard to break. Anyone who is feeling depressed and has a tendency to abuse alcohol should speak with a therapist to get their symptoms under control. A therapist will be able to offer coping strategies as well as refer you to a local addictive treatment center.

If you or a loved one are interested in exploring cognitive behavioral treatment, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

July 4, 2019 by Alan Zupka Leave a Comment

How Chronic Illness Can Affect Your Mental Health

If you are suffering from a chronic illness, you are not alone. Almost half of the population in the United States is currently battling some form of chronic physical illness. In fact, chronic illness is the number one driver of healthcare costs in America.

Some of the most prevalent examples of chronic illnesses are:

Epilepsy
HIV/AIDS
Endometriosis
Lupus
Arthritis
Diabetes
Heart disease
Fibromyalgia

Many people suffering from a chronic illness can become depressed. It is estimated that roughly one-third of chronic illness patients suffer from depression, a rate that is significantly higher than in the general population.

Depression is often an immediate response to the diagnosis. It can be overwhelming to be told you will need to be treated for your illness for weeks, perhaps even a lifetime. Certain types of chronic illness can also, and quite suddenly, change how a person lives their day-to-day life. They may not be able to do the same things and, in some cases, completely lose their independence.

There are physical illnesses which can cause depression by hampering the central nervous system or endocrine system. Some examples would include thyroid disease, Cushing’s disease, Parkinson’s disease and chronic pain.

Symptoms of Depression

If you or someone you know has recently been diagnosed with a chronic disease, it’s important to watch out for signs of depression. These can include:

Feeling sad and hopeless
Losing interest in once-loved hobbies and activities
Changes in appetite (eating too much or too little)
Trouble with sleep (sleeping too much or too little)
Lack of energy
Trouble focusing
Thoughts of suicide

Becoming educated about the link between chronic illness and depression is extremely important. So is seeking help. Be sure to discuss any symptoms with your doctor. He or she may be able to refer you to a therapist.

Many patients have found they can treat their depression right alongside their illness by using medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both. It is also helpful to surround yourself with a loving support network of friends and family.

If you or a loved one is experiencing depression as a result of living with a chronic illness and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Remain Curious