Addiction Archives - AZupkaCounseling

December 19, 2025 by Alan Zupka

When Sex Feels Out of Control: Compulsive Sexual Behavior

When Sex Feels Out of Control

Has sex begun to feel like it is running your life rather than enriching it? Not in a pleasurable or affirming way, but in a way that feels intrusive, exhausting, or distressing. You may find sexual thoughts showing up uninvited, even in public or professional settings. You may know certain behaviors do not align with your values, yet still feel pulled toward them. Guilt, fear, and a sense of being out of control often follow, and the cycle repeats.

Many gay men carry additional layers of shame around sexuality due to early messages about being “too much,” “not enough,” or somehow wrong for their desires. When those narratives go unexamined, sexual behavior can become a way to cope, escape, or self-soothe rather than a source of genuine connection and pleasure. I want you to know that struggling in this way does not mean something is wrong with you.

Understanding Compulsive Sexual Behavior

Compulsive sexual behavior is often misunderstood and deeply stigmatized. Many of the men I work with feel isolated or afraid to ask for help, worried they will be judged or misunderstood. From a therapeutic perspective, this is not about moral failure or lack of willpower. Like other behavioral health concerns, compulsive sexual behavior deserves compassion, curiosity, and skilled support.

From a narrative therapy lens, I view compulsive sexual behavior not as who you are, but as something that has developed in response to life experiences, stress, trauma, or unmet emotional needs. We work together to separate you from the problem and explore the story of how it took hold, while also identifying the parts of you that have been trying to survive, cope, or feel worthy.

Signs That Sex May Be Taking Over

This is not about how often you have sex or what your sexual interests are. It is about the sense of control and the impact on your well-being. Common signs include:

Persistent or intrusive sexual thoughts or urges that feel difficult to manage
Repeated sexual behaviors despite negative consequences
Using sex to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness, or past trauma
Feeling guilt, shame, or regret afterward, followed by a return to the same patterns
Noticing strain in relationships, work, emotional health, or self-worth

If any of this resonates, it does not mean you are broken. It means something in your life is asking for attention and care.

How I Help Through a Sex Positive Perspective

In my work as a therapist, I provide a safe, affirming, and nonjudgmental space for gay men to explore the emotional drivers beneath compulsive sexual behavior. Using cognitive behavioral therapy, we identify thought patterns that fuel urges, shame, and impulsivity, and we work on building healthier, more grounded responses. Through mindfulness, I help you learn how to notice urges without acting on them automatically, creating space for choice rather than reaction.

Positive psychology allows us to focus not only on reducing distress, but also on strengthening self-compassion, resilience, values, and authentic self-worth. We identify what a meaningful and fulfilling sexual and emotional life looks like for you, not based on external expectations, but on your own values. When relevant, we also explore attachment wounds, trauma, anxiety, depression, or relationship patterns that may be contributing to the cycle, and we work toward repair and growth.

Taking the First Step Toward Change

You do not have to struggle in silence or remain stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. Change is possible, and healing does not require shame or punishment. It requires understanding, support, and a willingness to rewrite the story you tell about yourself.

I work with gay men who want greater self-control, self-acceptance, and a healthier relationship with their sexuality. If you are ready to take the first step, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can move toward clarity, balance, and a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

December 15, 2025 by Alan Zupka

Supporting a Loved One in Crisis During the Holidays

Supporting a Loved One in Crisis During the Holidays

Watching someone you care about spiral into self-destructive behavior can feel heartbreaking, especially when you see their pain clearly, yet they remain unaware or in denial. Around the holidays, when connection, love, and togetherness are emphasized, this experience can feel even heavier. You may want to help but feel unsure how to intervene without pushing them further away. I want to remind you that while you cannot control another person’s choices, you can take mindful, compassionate steps toward creating space for healing and support.

Understanding What an Intervention Is

An intervention is a structured, intentional meeting where friends, family, and sometimes coworkers or community members gather to express concern for a loved one struggling with addiction or self-destructive behavior. It is not about blame or confrontation—it is about connection, accountability, and offering a lifeline toward change.

As a mental health professional, I often help families prepare for these emotionally charged moments. A trained interventionist guides the process to ensure that each person’s voice is heard while maintaining a calm, respectful environment. The goal is not to shame or coerce, but to gently invite the person to accept treatment and begin a new chapter of recovery.

When Is It Time for an Intervention?

Recognizing when it is time to intervene can be deeply challenging. Loved ones often wrestle with guilt, fear, and uncertainty—especially during the holiday season, when hope and despair can exist side by side.

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, denial and avoidance are common defense mechanisms in addiction. The individual may rationalize or minimize their behavior to reduce emotional discomfort, while loved ones may delay action in hopes that things will improve on their own. However, postponing these conversations can prolong suffering.

In my experience, families usually “just know” when it is time. Perhaps there has been a recent DUI, a job loss, or a decline in health. Perhaps relationships are fracturing under the strain. It is rarely a single moment that signals readiness, but rather an accumulation of concern that becomes impossible to ignore.

The most effective time to act is often sooner rather than later. Waiting for a loved one to “hit rock bottom” may lead to irreversible harm. Mindfulness teaches us to meet the moment as it is—to respond to what is happening now, with clarity and compassion, rather than waiting for the perfect conditions.

Finding Meaning and Hope in the Process

Through the lens of narrative therapy, I view each person’s struggle not as a moral failing, but as a story still being written. The addiction or self-destructive behavior is not the entirety of who they are—it is one chapter in a much larger life narrative that can be reauthored with support, love, and purpose.

As family and friends, your role is not to rewrite their story for them, but to hold space for the possibility of change. By grounding yourself in mindfulness—focusing on your breath, calming your body, and staying present—you can speak from a place of compassion rather than fear. Positive psychology reminds us that hope, empathy, and connection are among the most powerful catalysts for recovery.

Taking the Next Step

If you believe it may be time to hold an intervention, please know that you do not have to navigate this process alone. I offer professional guidance to help families plan and conduct interventions that are safe, compassionate, and effective. Together, we can create a path forward rooted in understanding, respect, and care.

This holiday season, while others are celebrating, remember that extending compassion to a struggling loved one is one of the most meaningful gifts you can give. It is an act of courage, love, and hope—for them and for yourself.

June 9, 2025 by Alan Zupka

What Are the 4 Cs of Addiction?

Understanding Addiction Through the Lens of Compassion and Change

Addiction can take many forms. Some individuals struggle with substances such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs. Others find themselves caught in cycles of gambling, compulsive shopping, or other behaviors that begin to feel unmanageable. No matter the form it takes, addiction often tells a story, a story of pain, unmet needs, and the search for relief.

In my work, I frequently explore the underlying narratives clients carry about their relationship with addiction. I also draw from evidence-based approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and positive psychology, to help people reclaim a sense of agency and rewrite these stories in more empowering ways.

One common framework I find helpful in understanding addiction is the “Four Cs”: Compulsion, Craving, Control, and Consequences.

1. Compulsion

Over time, the relationship with a substance or behavior can begin to feel less like a choice and more like a requirement. Compulsion emerges when a person feels an overwhelming drive to engage in the behavior, even when part of them does not want to. In therapy, I help clients gently unpack the story behind this compulsion and identify what it might be trying to soothe or silence.

2. Craving

As addiction deepens, cravings often become more intense. These cravings may feel physical, similar to hunger or thirst, leading to agitation, sleep disruption, or loss of appetite. Mindfulness-based practices can help increase awareness of these sensations without judgment and create space between the urge and the action.

3. Control

Many individuals try to moderate their use or stop the behavior altogether. While some may succeed for a time, addiction often erodes the ability to control it in the long term. In our work together, I support clients in identifying the thoughts and beliefs that influence their choices and build skills to regain a sense of direction and stability.

4. Consequences

One of the most painful elements of addiction is its ability to persist even when it causes harm. People may continue to use or act despite knowing the risks to their health, relationships, employment, or freedom. Rather than focus on shame, I work collaboratively with clients to build a new story rooted in accountability, hope, and the possibility of change.

Are You Struggling With Addiction?

If any part of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. Addiction does not define you; it is one part of your story, not the whole. With the proper support, it is possible to reshape that story in a way that honors your values and creates room for healing.

As a therapist, I provide a compassionate and nonjudgmental space to explore your unique experiences and goals. Together, we can begin the work of rewriting your narrative, one step at a time. If you are ready to begin that journey, please contact me for a consultation. I am here, and I am prepared to walk alongside you.

October 10, 2021 by Alan Zupka

What is a Dual Diagnosis?

There are times when a person is diagnosed with a mental health issue, such as depression or anxiety. Other times, someone might be diagnosed as having a substance abuse issue. When someone has both a mental health issue and a substance abuse issue, we call it a dual diagnosis.

How Does Dual Diagnosis Develop?

Often, addictive behaviors are a result of someone trying to cope with their mental health issues. In fact, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association, roughly 53% of individuals with drug addiction and 35% with an addiction to alcohol

meet the requirements for a mental health diagnosis. These numbers tell the story of the strong correlation between mental health and addiction.

The following are some of the mental health issues that often occur alongside addiction:

Schizophrenia
Depression
Anxiety
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic stress (PTSD)
Eating Disorders

It’s important to note that while these mental health issues are often associated with substance abuse, they do not always present alongside drug and alcohol addiction.

Treatment for Dual Diagnosis

Dual diagnosis cases are very complex in nature and require different treatment styles. Typically speaking, there are four types of treatment:

Partial Treatment

This model refers to treating the primary mental health issue alone, but not the concurring substance abuse concerns.

Sequential Treatment

This approach treats the mental health issue first, then addresses the addiction after.

Parallel Treatment

This treatment focuses on addressing both the mental health concern and addiction at the same time, though separately and using different care providers.

Integrated Treatment

As the name suggests, this model has the individual receiving mental health and addiction treatment concurrently, under a unified and robust treatment program. This program can be in an outpatient setting or in a rehab facility.

It can be very difficult for the person struggling with a substance abuse issue and mental health issue, or their family members, to determine the best course of treatment. It is recommended that you initially work with a licensed therapist who can accurately diagnose you and recommend the right course of treatment.

If you’d like to speak with someone, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I can help your journey back to health and well-being.

SOURCES:

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