Counseling Blog | LGBTQ+ Couples & Individuals

April 11, 2021 by Alan Zupka

What is Polyamory and Is it Right for You?

There are some people who seem completely cut out for monogamous relationships. And then there are those who know from the get-go it’s just not right for them. Some researchers even question whether our early ancestors were monogamous, or did they naturally take part in polyamorous relationships.

What is Polyamory?

Put simply, polyamorous relationships are intimate relationships involving more than two people. This can mean there are three or more equal partners in a romantic relationship and they may all be dating or even sharing the same home. Polyamorous relationships can also refer to two individuals who are openly involved with one or more people on the side.
As you can imagine, these relationships require honestly and a lot of navigation to ensure everyone is happy, healthy and respected.

Is Polyamory Right for You?

If you’ve always considered yourself open and adventurous, and you’ve never been keen on the idea of monogamy, then a polyamorous relationships may be perfect for you. But before you take that plunge, there are some things to consider to understand if it is in fact right for you:

Are you the jealous type?

Do you think you can really handle seeing your partner date and be intimate with other people? This is the most important, and often the most difficult, question to answer. Take a look at how you handled jealousy-inducing situations in the past to get an idea if you would realistically be able to handle a polyamorous relationship.

Are You BOTH Interested?

If you are currently in a relationship, are you and your partner both interested in exploring this lifestyle? If only one of you is really keen on the idea and the other is hesitant, it can potentially cause issues down the road.

What is Motivating You to Pursue This Lifestyle at This Time?

If you and your partner both feel a monogamous relationship isn’t meeting your needs for intimacy, and if you both want to see the other one happy, then this could be an indicator a polyamorous relationship may be the right avenue to pursue. Similarly, if you as an individual are looking for more love and intimacy in your life, this could indicate you are ready to take this next step.

For many, polyamorous relationships can be a missing piece of their life and happiness puzzle. Having the opportunity to love and connect with more than one person may be ideal for you and your partner. Just be sure to be open, honest, loving and respectful of everyone’s needs and feelings at all times, and your life can be significantly enhanced by these relationships.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.

April 4, 2021 by Alan Zupka

Are You Bisexual? Some Questions to Ask Yourself

For many young people, coming to terms with their sexual orientation can be a confusing experience. Nothing is really black and white when it comes to sexuality. While some young people know they are straight, and others know they are gay or lesbian, there is another group that suspects they may be attracted to both genders.

If you aren’t quite sure about your preference or whether or not you may be bisexual, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Am I attracted to men and women?

The fact you are reading this blog posts suggests you have an attraction to both men and women. Something else to consider is, is the attraction for the opposite gender or the same gender a one-off event, or you find yourself attracted to many people of that same gender? For instance, you may be attracted to your best friend who is the same gender as you because they are awesome and you have so much fun together, but they are the only person of your gender you find yourself having feelings for.

2. When you first heard about bisexuality, did you feel a sense of relief?

When you first read about the concept of bisexuality, did something “click” for you? Did you feel that things in your life finally made sense and like a weight was taken off your shoulders?

3. How do you see your future?

We all spend time thinking about our “happily ever after.” What does that look like for you? Do you think you could be just as happy and content spending your life with a husband, a wife or a non-binary partner?

4. Are you offended by bisexual stereotypes?

You may sometimes hear people speak about bisexuality in stereotypical terms. Maybe someone in your circle of friends has said that all bisexuals are into threesomes, polyamory or are promiscuous. When you heard this, did it offend you?

5. Are you attracted to androgynous people?

Androgyny refers to people that have both male and female characteristics. If you find yourself attracted to androgynous people, it may be a sign that you are naturally attracted to both genders.

Love Yourself for Who You Are

Understand that this is only a guide and a way for you to explore your feelings and sexuality. At the end of the day, what’s is important is not WHAT you are, but that you love yourself for WHO you are.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring counseling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help you.

March 28, 2021 by Alan Zupka

5 Tips for Safely Navigating the ‘Non-Exclusive’ Dating World

Being out in the dating world can be an exciting experience. There are moments of fun and laughter, as well as awkwardness and disappointment. All the while, you anticipate finding chemistry and a connection with someone. If you’re dating and looking just for fun and friendships, you’re going to be meeting lots of people. Keep your dating adventures as safe as they are varied by following these five tips for safely navigating the non-exclusive dating scene.

1. Separate Phone and Email

It’s not a good policy to give your cell phone number out right away. Get a Google voice number instead, so you don’t have to share your real phone number. It also helps to have a separate email that’s just for dating. When you create a new email address, make sure to keep your name out of it.

2. Safeguard Your Social Media

A quick search of your number, email and sometimes even just your name and general location can lead someone directly to your social media. Check your privacy settings and lock down all of your social media from prying eyes. If your casual relationship goes south, the last thing you want is someone you don’t want to hear from having easy access to you.

3. Maintain Your Privacy

Don’t share your last name with anyone until you’ve built trust. Even if your name is common, someone can search for you on the internet and find you simply by knowing a few details about you. You should also never let someone pick you up where you live.

4. Have A Friend Check In

Make sure to tell someone when you’re going out to meet someone new. Ask a friend to call or text to check up on you and make sure everything is okay. This can also be a great way to duck out if your date isn’t going so well.

5. Go Somewhere Different

When you’re setting up your date, make sure you meet in a public place. Arrive separately so you don’t have to rely on anyone for a ride. Not only is it more safe, but you can leave whenever you want. When you’re choosing a locale for your date, don’t take them to your favorite hangouts; instead, take them somewhere different. Not only will it be more fun to check out new spots, but you’re less likely to run into them if you’ve broken things off.

Are you searching for a relationship and need help navigating the single life? A qualified mental health professional can help. Call me today and let’s set up a time to talk.

March 21, 2021 by Alan Zupka

3 Ingredients to a Happy Marriage

Have you ever wondered why some marriages last decades while others barely go two years? Why do some couples thrive and grow together while others crash and burn?

The secret? There are three secrets, actually; three ingredients to a happy and successful marriage. Without all three of these, many couples will struggle to remain connected and committed.

Communication

Communication is to a marriage what gasoline is to an automobile: without it, you’re not going anywhere. And the better the communication, the longer the “motor” will last.

The words we choose to connect with others are incredibly important. Use the right ones and you generate feelings of love, safety, and security. Use the wrong ones and your partner is apt to feel anger and resentment.

It is often said that HOW you say something is as important as WHAT you say, and in many ways, this is true. When you ask your spouse a question, is their answer thoughtful or dismissive? Do they say, “Yes, that sounds like a great plan,” or “Whatever?” Both are affirmative, but only the first sentence is positive and respectful.

But perhaps the most important factor of good communication is listening. Many marriages have been improved when one or more people learn how to be a good listener.

How exactly do you become a good listener? Two ways: Start caring more about your partner – when you care for someone, you are truly interested in what they have to say. Second, when they are speaking, don’t think about other things – don’t think about your day or what you’d like to have for dinner – don’t even think about how you’d like to respond to what your partner is saying, simply LISTEN to them. Give them your full attention.

The better listeners and communicators you both are, the better partners you can be to each other.

Know Yourself and Your Partner

The sad fact is, most people spend more time trying to understand how their smartphone or tablet works than how their own personality – or that of their partner -works. We’re all individuals with unique quirks and behaviors. The more we understand about ourselves and our spouse, the less conflict we’ll experience.

Put Each Other First

Happy and successful marriages are the ones where each person is putting their partner’s needs first. When both are doing this, all needs are being met. Problems arise when only one individual meets their partner’s needs. When this happens, one person is happy, the other is left out in the cold.

If, after reading this, you have become aware that your marriage is missing some of these critical ingredients, don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist. Sometimes an impartial third party can help both individuals get their priorities straight.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

Remain Curious