Alan Zupka, Author at AZupkaCounseling

October 4, 2019 by Alan Zupka

5 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Public

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days.

When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much fun. It’s important to be able to self-soothe in these instances. But how can you calm an anxiety attack subtly when you’re out in public?

Breath Work

As soon as you feel the anxiety coming on, focus intently on your breathing and nothing else. Begin to take slow… deep breaths. Inhale for a slow count of three… hold for a count of three… and exhale for a count of three. Slow deep breaths send a signal to our body that we are not under attack and everything is okay.

Talk to Yourself

In your mind, remind yourself that you are having an experience but that you are NOT that experience. While you feel that something is wrong, remind yourself that you are actually safe and all is well.

Visualize

Think of something that calms you. This may be your childhood bedroom or your grandparent’s home. It could be your favorite beach or your own bathtub. Simply put yourself IN that space. Use your full imagination to feel yourself there and allow the calm to settle over you.

Carry Lavender Oil

Keep a small vile of lavender oil in your purse or pocket and inhale its scent. You can even rub some between your finger and then rub on your temples to calm down.

Practice Listening Meditation

If you’ve never tried listening meditation, I highly recommend it for everyone. But it can be especially beneficial when you are feeling anxious, and here’s why. Listening requires you to stop thinking. Try it now. Stop reading and instead listen to all of the ambient sounds there in the room with you, outside the door and window.

What do you hear?

Let your sense of hearing grow and grow, picking up more subtle sounds. The buzz of the lights overhead… the noise of the ice maker… a bee at the window… your dog’s collar down the hall…

It’s actually a very fun exercise to do. And in order to REALLY GIVE SOUND YOUR FULL ATTENTION, you can’t think while listening. It’s a bit like trying to juggle while standing on your hands, it simply cannot be done.

Much of our anxiety comes from our anxious thoughts. It’s our reptilian brain trying to keep us alive by alerting us to all of the dangers around us. But when we meditate, this mind chatter goes away.

When an anxiety attack comes on, life can feel unbearable. The next time this happens to you in public, try one or more of these techniques.

And if you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please get in touch. I’d be happy to explore treatment options.

September 23, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Should You Date If You Have Depression?

Dating is challenging for everyone. But when you suffer with depression, dating can feel scary and overwhelming. Not only do you feel particularly raw and vulnerable to possible rejection, but should a connection be made, you have the added burden of figuring out how and when to tell the person about your depression.

Should people with depression date? If the person feels emotionally strong enough, then yes of course they should date. The real question is HOW should they date? If you are suffering with depression and are interested in dating, here are some things to consider when meeting new potential partners:

Take Things Slow

There is no need to open up to someone on a first date and let them know that you suffer with depression. You’ll want to invest a little bit of time to see if this person is someone you think you could get serious with.

If after a few dates you think he or she could be someone you’d like to go deeper with, then feel free to test the waters on the topic of depression. Don’t feel you have to get into nitty-gritty details; simply tell them that you live with depression and see how they react.

Be Honest

Your potential partner may have follow-up questions immediately or they may think about things for a while and then bring up some questions later. Whenever they do, be honest with your answers.

It will be tempting to want to downplay things in order to put your best self forward. But not being honest about your symptoms and reality will backfire eventually. Let them know you have good days and bad and if you are currently taking medications and/or seeing a therapist. Answer as many questions as you feel comfortable with, but when you do, just be sure to be honest and not pretend you are someone you’re not.

Learn from Your Past

Everyone has dating pitfalls and patterns, and people with depression are no different. It’s important that you respect past dating failures so you can prevent them from happening again. For instance, did you tend to date people who made you feel bad about yourself? If you find you’re doing it again, call things off and take some time to regroup.

Get Help

Seeking the help from a licensed therapist can help you work out any issues you have that are hindering your relationships. If you notice you keep repeating past mistakes, try and talk with someone who can help you navigate your own behavior.

If you or a loved one suffers from depression and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

September 15, 2019 by Alan Zupka

4 Ways Being Single Is Better for Your Mental Health

Being single can be difficult at times. Dating, or trying to get dates, can be frustrating and discouraging. Meeting new people can be fun, but you might long for a close, long-term relationship with one other person. If you find yourself staring longingly at couples holding hands, it may be time to re-evaluate, and learn to appreciate the many benefits of single life. While being single can sometimes make you feel sad and lonely, there are times when its more beneficial for your mental health.

1. More Time for the Gym

Many studies have shown that single people exercise more, and overall live healthier lifestyles. Whether it’s the spare time or the desire to look your best (or a combination of the two), single men and women tend to care more about their health and well-being. Exercise improves your mood by releasing endorphins and reducing cortisol, a stress hormone that can make you more susceptible to stress.

2. Rediscover Yourself

One of the best things about being single is that you have the opportunity to rediscover yourself. Your alone time will cause you to be more introspective and develop insight into what makes you happy, and what your core values are. As you take a walk through a park or enjoy a cup of coffee alone, you can re-evaluate your goals. As you learn to feel comfortable in your own company, you’ll discover that happiness comes not from another person, but from within.

3. Better Friendships

Single adults have more time to network with others and develop outside friendships. You can schedule more time to be with (or make) friends, joining friends for birthdays and weekend trips that will make lifelong memories. In 2009, the Journal of the National Medical Association conducted a study that showed people without social support were more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression. Friendships reduce stress and anxiety, while increasing happiness and confidence.

4. Find New Interests

As a single person, you have additional time that you can use to develop new hobbies and interests. If you’ve always wanted to join a yoga or a spin class, join a hiking group or book club, you have time to dive in to new hobbies. Research shows that participating in hobbies can improve your mood and your ability to cope with stress.

If you’re single and struggling with sadness or loneliness a licensed therapist can help. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

September 2, 2019 by Alan Zupka

Ending a Casual Relationship

Nowadays, it might seem like casual relationships are more common than serious ones. You might call it an open relationship or a friend with benefits, but they all amount to the same thing: a relationship that’s usually sexual in nature, but without any form of commitment attached to it.

Casual relationships can be fun and fulfilling. They can provide you with companionship and sexual intimacy, serving its purpose for you during a certain period in your life. However, problems in a casual relationship can arise when one person begins to develop feelings, and the other doesn’t. Your partner may decide that they want commitment, but you don’t (or vice versa); and you’ve decided that it’s time to end the relationship. What do you do?

Don’t Feel Guilty

There’s nothing wrong with not being ready to be in a relationship. If you’re the one who’s caught feelings and have been rebuffed by your partner, there’s no need to feel awkward. A sexual connection can create the illusion of intimacy; your feelings are natural.

Stop Sexual Relations

When it’s time to end the relationship, the sexual contact needs to stop. Continuing sexual intimacy after you’ve realized you need to cut ties with this person will only confuse your partner (or you.)

Don’t Sugar Coat It

When it’s time to break the news to your partner, do both of you a favor: be clear, direct and honest, but kind. Pick a busy, public place to meet for coffee or drinks, and make sure you arrive separately. When it’s time to break the news, let them know that you enjoyed your time together, but that you’ve decided you no longer want to be in this relationship and you both need to move on. After you let them know, make a hasty exit.

If for any reason you feel it’s unsafe to break up with your partner in person, then call or text instead. Your safety always comes first.

Prepare for Negative Reaction

It’s natural for people to react negatively or to be emotional after a break up. Stay calm and listen to what they have to say without interrupting. You can repeat back to them what you heard them say to help validate their feelings, but reiterate that you’re no longer interested in seeing them.

End Contact

Now that it’s over, it’s time to end contact. No more text messages, phone calls or DM’s. Don’t like their photos or comments on social media. This will only send mixed messages, or make it more difficult for you to break it off.

Are you having a hard time moving on after a break-up? Do you need help deciding if the relationship you’re in is right for you? A licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Remain Curious