Alan Zupka, Author at AZupkaCounseling

March 22, 2020 by Alan Zupka

Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?

When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.

According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory as to why the rate is falling, the theory among therapists is that it is because marriage counseling actually works, and more couples are giving it a try.

If you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, here are some reasons why you should give marriage counseling a try:

Identifying Patterns

One of the biggest benefits of seeking counseling is having help seeing negative behavioral patterns, whether those patterns are yours as individuals and/or as a couple. Healing can only begin once patterns have been recognized.

Impartial Advice

A therapist is not like a friend or family member who is going to take sides and hand out potentially harmful advice. Marriage counselors have a track record of dealing with all sorts of marital issues and want to understand what’s going on so they can offer the best strategies for healing.

A Safe Space

Marriage counseling offers both spouses a safe space to be completely open and honest with their feelings. If not delivered in the right space, complete honesty can have adverse effects. Counseling offers a safe environment in which no one is ever judged.

A Place to Rebuild Trust

Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. But when that trust is broken, as it is through infidelity, it is hard to put the pieces back together. Marriage counselors have years of experience dealing with issues of infidelity. Counseling explores different ways to rebuild trust one step at a time.

Bringing Out Toxic Emotions

Did you know that trapped toxic emotions are one of the main reasons marriages break down? When you have feelings of anger, resentment and frustration locked deep inside you, they fester there and make matters worse. Counseling offers the space and opportunity to let these emotions out in healthy, respectful ways.

If your relationship is on the rocks right now, divorce is not your only solution. Thousands of couples have been helped by marriage counseling and it’s worth it to you both to give it a shot.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

March 15, 2020 by Alan Zupka

3 Ways to Build Intimacy with Your Partner

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is famous for having said, “Into each life some rain must fall,” meaning life is always going to throw us some heartache. This same sentiment can be said about relationships. Into each one some irritability, frustration and overall blah-ness tends to fall.

But while it’s common for all couples to go through “the blahs,” you don’t have to throw in the towel and stay there. In fact, couples that put in the time and effort to reconnect with one another often feel even closer for it.

If you would like to build intimacy with your partner, here are some easy ways to start that journey:

Focus and Listen

Thanks to the proliferation of digital media and mobile devices, we live in a world that seems to demand that we all become proficient multitaskers. The problem with this is, it’s hard to shut off this instinct. Most of us are hardly able to have a conversation with a loved one without checking our social media pages or texting a co-worker. This inability to STOP and focus on just being with our partner can absolutely kill intimacy.

If you want to reconnect you’ve got to become aware of when your mind is wandering. You’ve got to really focus on your partner and actually listen with both ears to what they say. Being heard, really heard, makes us feel loved and cared for. By doing this for your partner you will not only make them feel loved and special, you will inspire them to reciprocate the same respect.

Appreciate All They Do

It’s entirely too easy to take our loved ones for granted. Reconnecting requires that we appreciate who they are and all that they do in our lives.

Think of some things that you appreciate about your partner and thank them. Perhaps they always take out the trash without being asked. Maybe they bring you a cup of coffee in the morning when you first wake up, or they do the dishes every night. Take the time to recognize their efforts and thank them from the heart. You will both feel great.

Have Fun

Sure, building intimacy is important, but you don’t have to be so serious about it! One of the absolute best ways to reconnect with your partner is to laugh with them. This is especially true for people who have been together for quite a few years. You forget who each other used to be. But by experiencing novel and interesting activities together, you can learn new things about each other and see your relationship in a new light.

For some couples, building intimacy can require even more work, especially if there are trust issues. In these cases, working with a couples’ therapist can help partners feel safe enough to work through their issues so they can reconnect.

If you or someone you know is interested in exploring therapy, please contact me. I’d be happy to discuss how I might be able to help.

March 8, 2020 by Alan Zupka

Why Intimacy May Be the Key to a Longer Life

An apple a day might keep the doctor away, but an orgasm a day works twice as well! Regular sex is the key to longevity. This contradicts a lot of advice about health. In traditional Indian culture, ejaculation was seen as a drain on men’s vitality. In French, an orgasm is called, ‘le petit mort’, ‘the little death. Why would sex prolong life? There are several exciting explanations and here are some of the best.

Sex improves the immune system – When you feel a cold coming on, have sex. Researchers in Wilkes University, Pennsylvania discovered that people who have sex frequently, possess greater levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that prevents colds.

Sex reduces the risk of heart disease– Heart disease is a leading cause of death for men and women. The New England Research Institute’s study showed that men who have sex twice a week can reduce their risk of heart disease by half. Sex is great exercise, and it gets your heart pumping. According to research from the University of Montreal, men burn 100 calories in the average sex session while women burn 69. Losing calories and getting orgasms sounds like the ultimate deal.

Sex reduces stress– We all get stressed. Stress leads to serious health problems that can shorten one’s life. Dr Stuart Brody’s researchproved that people who have regular sex exhibit lower blood pressure in stressful situations.

Sex keeps the cells healthy– Cells are the building blocks in our bodies, and sex keeps them healthy and increases lifespan. Researchers at the University of California, San Francisco discovered that constant sex helps to lengthen the telomeres, the set of proteins in the cell’s nucleus that stabilizes the ends of the chromosomes.

Sex reduces the risk of breast and prostate cancer- A study revealed that women who had sex more than once per month, had a lower risk of getting breast cancer. During sex, ‘happy’ hormones like oxytocin and DHEA are released which may help prevent breast cancer. Similarly, Australian researchers published a study showing men who ejaculate often between the ages of 20-50, are less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Orgasms can add years to your life- Regular romps in the hay can lengthen your days. This study found that men who had multiple orgasms a week had a 50% lower risk of death than those who didn’t orgasm as much. Other studies show that women who have frequent orgasms are more likely to live longer than those who don’t.

Frequent sex means an intimate relationship. These studies prove that close personal ties enhance health and extend longevity. So next time you have sex, remember that you’re prolonging your life.

March 2, 2020 by Alan Zupka

4 Ways a Healthy Sex Life Supports Good Mental Health

Every person has essential human needs. When we don’t get those needs met, our mental and sometimes physical health can suffer as a result. When we think of fundamental human needs, food, shelter, and water come to mind. However, a healthy sex life is also an important component to create a full and happy life for many people.

While it’s not physically or psychologically unhealthy for someone to live an asexual or celibate life, for people that crave the intimacy of a sexual relationship, a healthy sex life is a vital part of a full and happy life. Sex is not only part of a fulfilling life for many people, it also supports good mental health in many ways.

Boosts Serotonin

Low serotonin can cause you to be unable to create or act on plans and strategies. If you have low serotonin, you might have difficulty finishing tasks. You might also become easily agitated, feel a bit down in the dumps, or be unable to control your impulses.

Sex boosts serotonin, which helps improve your mood and fight off depression. Additionally, one of the hormones released during orgasm is serotonin, leaving you feeling soothed from stress and anxiety.

Boosts Self Esteem

A lack of sex can be harmful, causing your self-worth and confidence to plummet. When you have sex, the feelings of intimacy with your partner, as well as feeling nurtured and desired boosts your self-confidence and overall well-being.

Leads to Better Sleep

Sex also improves how you sleep. It’s very common to fall asleep after sex because your body releases prolactin, a hormone that helps you feel rested and relaxed. The orgasm also releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes sleep. Since a lack of sleep can worsen a mental health disorder, or increase your risk for developing one, better sleep promotes a healthier, more refreshed you.

Makes you happy

The cuddling and physical intimacy of sex also gives a boost to your happiness. Endorphins are one of the many chemicals released in the brain during sex. Endorphins are the neurotransmitters associated with the feeling of happiness, causing your mood to brighten overall as it helps lift depression.

Are you struggling with depression or anxiety and looking for guidance and support? A licensed therapist can help you find ways to boost your mood, and work with you to develop a plan to improve your quality of life. Call my office today, and let’s set up a time to talk.

Remain Curious